Sid's Comeuppance/Transcript

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open Int. Sid's backyard]
(Woody peeks out from the bush to see Buzz strapped to the launchpad and he runs toward Buzz.)
Buzz	Woody!
Woody	*whispers* Hang on, Buzz, I'm comin'!
Buzz	Woody, look out! Sid is in the-
(Sid emerges from the tool shed.)
Sid	*as astronaut* Houston! All systems are gold.
(Woody deliberately falls down limp on the grass. Buzz freezes.)
Sid	Do we have permission to launch? *simulated static* Uh, Roger, we are confirmed at T-minus ten seconds… *lights a match* …and counting.
[Time-skip]
(Woody and Buzz are still freezing desperately with an empty expression.)
Sid	Five… Four… Three… Two… One. Ignition!
(Wind blows out the match.)
Sid	Huh?!
(Woody comes to life and appears.)
Woody	*as Pinocchio* Geppetto, look! I'm a real boy!
(Sid screams and falls down into the ground. Woody picks up the match.)
Woody	Matches? What are you, seven? Eight? You shouldn't be playing with these. I think it's time we had a talk. (Sid stammers.) Hey, you're probably thinking... "BUT, TOYS CAN'T MOVE!" And we don't usually move in front of people, and in fact, it's never been done. But you... You are such a-
Buzz	Vicious! *jumps down*
Woody	*to Buzz* Yeah! *to Sid* Vicious, and stupid-
Buzz	Selfish!
Woody	*to Buzz* Nasty!
Buzz	Repulsive little butt-face.
Woody	*to Sid* That we made an exception just for you.
Sid	Please don't... hurt me...
Woody	Hurt you!?
Sid	Please don't...
Woody	We don't wanna hurt you!
Buzz	I do.
Woody	*to Buzz* Not now, Buzz. *to Sid* All we want is to clear up a few things. *to the mutant toys* Guys.
(The remains of broken toys in the yard, led by the bedroom mutants, begin rising from the ground.)
Woody	We're tired of being kicked around, we're tired of being blown up, pulled apart, burned and broken. So we're gonna be watching you, Sid. Yes, sir, all the time. You can't get away from us, kiddo! Your toys can see- *his head rotates 360 degrees* -everything. So play nice.
(Sid bolts inside the house screaming louder. He runs up to Hannah.)
Sid	THE TOYS! AAHH!!! THE TOYS ARE ALIVE!! HELP ME! HELP ME, HANNAH! THEY DON'T LIKE ME!! HELP!!! THE TOYS ARE ALIVE!!!!
(Hannah looks outside - she can only see Woody and Buzz lying lifeless on the ground. She exasperatedly slams the door. Woody and Buzz come back to life, and look at the door.)
Buzz	I'm kinda new at this toy thing, but, uh, something tells me we're not supposed to do that.
Woody	Oh, what harm could it have done, Buzz? Just screwed him up for the rest of his life, that's all!
(Woody and Buzz look up at Sid's bedroom window as Sid screams even more. They see his toys giving them a thumbs-up before closing the window.)
Sid	NO, NO, NO!! AAAH!!! NO!!! I'M SORRY!!! I'M SORRY, OH NO!!! I'LL NEVER HURT YOU AGAIN!!!! AAAAAHH!!!!! NO!!! MOM!!!
[END]